The official “Okay, so how does this work?” post for Crust Fund Pizza

If you landed here, it’s because you wanted to buy a pizza. I appreciate that! At the time of this writing, we’ve given just over $80,000 to community organizations doing great things in Chicago. That is the absolute best part of Crust Fund. Pizza is a side dish to the generosity of this fine city.

So — how do you get a pizza?

Here’s how it works, step by step:

1. Once a month, I create a new pizza menu for shady alley pickups.

2. If you’re signed up for the Crust Fund Mailing List (sign up here), you’ll get the menu a few days earlier than everyone else.

3. I post the pizza menu on my Instagram account a couple of days before pickups, pretty much always on a Monday.

4. You gotta head to the link in my profile and fill out the order form. That will reserve a pizza and a pickup time. If there no open slots, it means I’m sold out.

5. The very last pizza always goes up for auction, so the highest bidder gets the last pie. Just DM me your bid and I keep track of it on my Instagram Stories. The bids end at 8 p.m. the Monday before pickups.

6. Pickup times are 8 p.m., 9 p.m., and 10 p.m. (on the dot) the Thursday evening after orders go live. I got kids, I got a job, and night pizza rules, so that’s how it works.

7. We’ll follow up on the donation mechanism and pickup details after all orders are in. I have never taken and will never take money for this. So don’t pay me or any handsome impostors.

8. You’ll get the FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE of pickup location after we’re all set on order, time, and donation. If you’re a beer drinker, let me know and I’ll probably throw in some beer for your trouble.

I hope this clears things up. If you have read through this missive and still have questions, go ahead and contact me and then also say “Purple Monkey Dishwasher” so I know you actually read the thing.

Thanks, Pizza Pals!

John